A blog about whatever randomosity my fevered mind conceives.

Challenge 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for

Okay, I have spent the last twenty minutes thinking on this one very carefully and it has come to my attention that there are exactly three (big) things that I still need to forgive myself for. Since I am not ready to share the first of these things in a public forum, and since the second is to do with my writing – and something I’ve touched on often in earlier posts – I will now discuss the third.

The sin that I now refer to – in the interest of vomiting up my soul – is in relation to the terrible habit I have of not always seeing things through. About three to five times a year (give or take) I will become completely obsessed with something new and dive into it with guns blazing, only to lose interest somewhere down the line and just walk away.

I have done this with learning new languages; Latin, Hungarian, Spanish – all things I desperately wanted to learn, devoted countless hours to for weeks or months or even a year at a time, only to give up because I lost interest or because it became more work than fun; I’ve done this with more writing projects than I can even count; I have a landfill’s worth of unfinished projects stored away in dusty boxes; I’ve done this with maddening crushes; become so insanely in lust with someone(s) for awhile that I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t breathe without thinking of them… only to have it suddenly disappear one day out of the blue; and last year I even walked away from my ‘business’ without blinking an eye, which was more then a little idiotic since I’d basically managed to stumble into a dream job. At least with my business I managed to maintain my obsession for a solid three years or so before I just lost interest, but that doesn’t make my inability to follow through on it any easier to swallow.

The reason I have to forgive myself for this nasty habit of mine is that, while it’s second nature for me to just walk away from whatever it is at some point, a few weeks or months down the line it almost always starts to cause me some degree of guilt – I feel like I have betrayed myself, and usually with good reason. Of course, if I could just stop doing it in the first place, I wouldn’t have anything to forgive myself for, but if it was that easy to stop doing, I wouldn’t keep doing it… would I?

Okay, in retrospect I should have just told you about the first thing I still need to forgive myself for; everyone loves a good tale of debauchery.


P.S. I apologize if this seems rushed and/or second-rate but it has been a very long day and I am very, very tired… I just didn’t want to have this challenge end up as yet another thing I’ve given up on lol.   


7 responses

  1. retrospection is a wonderful thing – can we all look forward to a tale of debauchery next? please?

    March 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

  2. Aaah. I’ve done this so many times!! I was obsessed with sewing at one point of time, and then completely dismissed it in the middle of a project. Then I had this phase with the gym, and two months later, I walked out. So many things! *sigh* So yeah. I get where you’re coming from.

    March 3, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    • lol one of the worst things I ever did (passing obsession wise) was I got really into plants. Every weekend I would go hunting down new species that I didn’t have and I’d always be so excited when I found something cool. This obsession went on awhile actually… probably like 2 1/2 years or so maybe… by the time it ended I had well over 100 plants and they were beautiful and flourishing – some of them had gotten huge even though they’d started as wee little guys. Then, one day I was just completely over it, like BANG! and over the next couple of months I just sort of passively watched as they all wilted and died… even the one’s I’d give names – yes, names, laugh now if you wish!

      March 4, 2012 at 8:44 am

      • Awww. Poor plants!! 😦 I’d love to garden.. Except for the fact that I couldn’t really take care of a fish so I doubt I’ll be able to take care of plants… LOL. And yes I giggling about the names.. 😛

        March 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

      • Well… they were my children before I had children… kids need names!

        March 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

      • Hahahaha! Too much fun man.

        March 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

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