Challenge Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for
Over the past few years I have systematically gone down the list of people that I held grudges against and did my best to wash myself clean of any anger, resentment and lingering blame that I had towards them. I chose not to waste anymore of my precious time on being bitter and offended. That being said… does anyone ever completely rid themselves of those age old hurts?
No – I don’t think we do. I think that no matter how stubborn we are, no matter what magical rituals we use to cleanse old demons from our hearts, they are never entirely gone. Nobody’s that well adjusted.
When I sat down to work on this challenge I thought, I can’t do this one. I’m over needing to forgive people. I’ve been sitting here for awhile now – these are a lot tougher than I ever would have guessed – and I have come to the realization that there is some small part of me that still holds on to many of the old grudges, whether I want her to or not. This part of me is deep down and rarely comes out in to the light, so I guess I either didn’t notice or I choose to ignore it, but yes, all those old hurts remain with me in some way or another. I guess that makes sense; these are the things that helped to mould me as a person after all. And really, even if we’re able to forgive, we are never entirely able to forget.
If I were to now write an entire list of everyone in my life that has done something that requires my forgiveness (or forgetfulness), I would be here a very long time. Additionally, I have already been spending more time in the past lately that I am fond of doing (I do love that this blog is helping to teach me new things about myself through (often) the examination of past events, but I don’t particularly like going backwards), and whether those old hurts have left tiny fissures on my personality or not, I really don’t want to stand (or sit as the case may be) around poking at the scabs. Still, I have to meet this challenge or admit defeat, and I really – really – dislike defeat.
That being said, the person I feel is in need of my forgiveness (at this moment in time) is George Orwell.
Now you’re probably wondering how an author that has been dead for sixty years or so could have done anything that would require my forgiveness now, and your wonder would be validated by the fact that I have quite likely laid blame on him for something that was not actually his fault. Still… I hate reality TV, and I have a sneaking suspicion that somehow Nineteen Eighty-Four was responsible for the birth of this horribly, lazy excuse for entertainment.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved Nineteen Eight-Four – it was brilliant after all – and I won’t even attempt to pretend that Orwell wasn’t an amazing writer, but I need to blame someone for reality TV, and for the life of me, I have never been able to come up with an older referencing to such ideas than what he presented in his novel. Therefore Mr. Orwell is – in my mind – accountable for planting the seed of reality TV in the mind(s) of some producer(s), TV writer(s) or studio executive(s) somewhere along the way. As a result of his sin – whether intentional or not – I can not turn on my television without being bombarded with some idiotic, mind-numbing, soul-sucking parody of realty being shoved down my throat.
I wish I could forgive Mr. Orwell… but I can not. Fortunately, the object of this challenge is to discuss someone I need to forgive and not to actually forgive them.
Please note that I have not laid blame on Mr. Orwell simply because of the show ‘Big Brother’… the reality show virus is much older than this one example… in fact, I believe it goes all the way back to the 70’s, but it has only achieved critical mass over the past decade or so.