A blog about whatever randomosity my fevered mind conceives.

Challenge Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for

Over the past few years I have systematically gone down the list of people that I held grudges against and did my best to wash myself clean of any anger, resentment and lingering blame that I had towards them. I chose not to waste anymore of my precious time on being bitter and offended. That being said… does anyone ever completely rid themselves of those age old hurts?

No – I don’t think we do. I think that no matter how stubborn we are, no matter what magical rituals we use to cleanse old demons from our hearts, they are never entirely gone. Nobody’s that well adjusted.  

When I sat down to work on this challenge I thought, I can’t do this one. I’m over needing to forgive people. I’ve been sitting here for awhile now – these are a lot tougher than I ever would have guessed – and I have come to the realization that there is some small part of me that still holds on to many of the old grudges, whether I want her to or not. This part of me is deep down and rarely comes out in to the light, so I guess I either didn’t notice or I choose to ignore it, but yes, all those old hurts remain with me in some way or another. I guess that makes sense; these are the things that helped to mould me as a person after all. And really, even if we’re able to forgive, we are never entirely able to forget.

If I were to now write an entire list of everyone in my life that has done something that requires my forgiveness (or forgetfulness), I would be here a very long time. Additionally, I have already been spending more time in the past lately that I am fond of doing (I do love that this blog is helping to teach me new things about myself through (often) the examination of past events, but I don’t particularly like going backwards), and whether those old hurts have left tiny fissures on my personality or not, I really don’t want to stand (or sit as the case may be) around poking at the scabs. Still, I have to meet this challenge or admit defeat, and I really – really – dislike defeat.

That being said, the person I feel is in need of my forgiveness (at this moment in time) is George Orwell.

Now you’re probably wondering how an author that has been dead for sixty years or so could have done anything that would require my forgiveness now, and your wonder would be validated by the fact that I have quite likely laid blame on him for something that was not actually his fault. Still… I hate reality TV, and I have a sneaking suspicion that somehow Nineteen Eighty-Four was responsible for the birth of this horribly, lazy excuse for entertainment.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Nineteen Eight-Four – it was brilliant after all – and I won’t even attempt to pretend that Orwell wasn’t an amazing writer, but I need to blame someone for reality TV, and for the life of me, I have never been able to come up with an older referencing to such ideas than what he presented in his novel. Therefore Mr. Orwell is – in my mind – accountable for planting the seed of reality TV in the mind(s) of some producer(s), TV writer(s) or studio executive(s) somewhere along the way. As a result of his sin – whether intentional or not – I can not turn on my television without being bombarded with some idiotic, mind-numbing, soul-sucking parody of realty being shoved down my throat.       

I wish I could forgive Mr. Orwell… but I can not. Fortunately, the object of this challenge is to discuss someone I need to forgive and not to actually forgive them.

Please note that I have not laid blame on Mr. Orwell simply because of the show ‘Big Brother’… the reality show virus is much older than this one example… in fact, I believe it goes all the way back to the 70’s, but it has only achieved critical mass over the past decade or so.

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21 responses

  1. It’s almost a relief to hear someone else voice the feelings I have often felt guilty about harbouring for GO. Poor man probably had no idea what he was leading the world to but from Big Brother to X-Factor, I too, find myself unable to forgive what he has landed us with. And as for forgetting it; chance would be a fine thing!

    March 4, 2012 at 8:55 am

    • lol I so seriously did not think there would be a single person that would share this view with me… I am SO happy to make your acquaintance!

      March 4, 2012 at 8:57 am

      • It’s hard feeling like the only one who does not enjoy the drivel of people making complete fools of themselves on TV. Out of choice.
        Pleasure to meet you too. 🙂

        March 4, 2012 at 9:12 am

      • 🙂

        March 4, 2012 at 9:15 am

  2. lookingforapurpose

    I have a hatred for reality TV. Its one of the main reasons i don’t watch TV anymore….

    March 4, 2012 at 9:11 am

    • I quit watching TV for about ten years because I couldn’t get away from it! I’ve only recently started watching again, but I avoid anything ‘reality’ at all costs.

      March 4, 2012 at 9:15 am

      • lookingforapurpose

        Good luck to you ! I think i am just going to avoid most people and the outside world for now. Its to much for me…..

        even if i want a gf….

        March 4, 2012 at 9:18 am

      • Aww darlin, you can only avoid the outside world for so long before it starts to creep in on you whether you want it to or not… you should try to take some control over it! Of course, this is so much easier said than done. 😦

        March 4, 2012 at 9:19 am

      • lookingforapurpose

        Yea, it is sadly…

        I just don’t even feel like trying right now. I know thats a bit sad or depressing but i’m just so tired of it right now.

        But thank you for your concern and careing, i am glad someone wants me to suceed.

        March 4, 2012 at 9:29 am

      • You’ll get there darlin… in your own time and in your own way. I wish I knew how to do an emote hug in WordPress… I’d send you one.

        March 4, 2012 at 9:39 am

      • lookingforapurpose

        🙂 thanks

        March 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

  3. I stopped watching TV altogether..it damages the brain. I like the idea of being able to blame George Orwell for our current Snooki problems… what a novel idea… 🙂

    March 4, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    • Hehe, yes it does damage the brain! I definitely felt like there needed to be someone to blame, and poor Mr. Orwell just seemed the most likely scapegoat!
      Honestly, I would rather burn out my own eyes with acid than watch five minutes of whatever the current reality show of topic might be. People always ask me things like “Did you see Idol last night?” I’m like, “Do I look like I’ve recently had a lobotomy?”

      March 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

  4. Hahaha. I have a confession. I haven’t read a single GO book. *please don’t kill me*

    March 4, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    • lol no no, it’s good. I have a (lasting) obsession with the classics so I’ve read a lot of things that no one I know has bothered to read. Didn’t they make you read Animal Farm in school? You must have seen the movie 1984 at the very least?

      March 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      • Noo and no. I have it at home. I have A LOT of classics at home. I just never bothered myself with them. I was too busy coming up with my own material. Lol.

        March 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm

      • lol ya, that makes sense. I’ve just always had to be reading something… always. Sometimes I’ll devour five books a week, and somtimes only five a month.. but I always have something on the go.

        March 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm

      • Omg. I’m exactly the SAME! When I read, I go mad reading. But then I go through this dry spell. Haha. But whenever I’m travelling, I’ll always have a novel in my bag.

        March 4, 2012 at 6:47 pm

  5. I tried this last week, to get rid of my grudges. I just can’t do all of them! I will always hold things against people if theyre offended me I wot let them forget it.

    March 5, 2012 at 2:20 am

    • Like I said, I think it is possible to forgive, but not to forget. For me, things just came to a juncture where I needed to own my own life and so long as I was still letting everything from my past weigh me down and break me, I couldn’t do it. A long time ago I was terrible for letting things destroy me… then I went through some changes and I got very angry and bitter. After awhile I saw that in myself and realized that I hated it… which is what prompted me to find ways to let things go – at least to the best of my abilities.
      Oh, but back in the day… damn I could hold a grudge better than anyone!:P

      March 5, 2012 at 7:02 am

  6. Pingback: Adjusting to the changing economic seasons « JRFibonacci's blog: partnering with reality

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