A blog about whatever randomosity my fevered mind conceives.

Faith

{Note: I don’t feel like this is done, but my time for working on it right now is… I’ll have to take a look back over it a little later. It is loosely based on an actual conversation I had years ago… yesterday’s challenge reminded me of the exchange. ~Robin~}

Once I met a sweet man who offered me a gift.

I should have smiled kindly, but I felt in me a shift.

Still we sat and shared coffee, on a warm and pretty day,

And I tried my best at first, to hear the words he had to say.

But my darkness was too deep, and my anger was too raw

And no matter how I would have liked to, I didn’t see the world he saw.

“Have faith,” he tried to tell me, “In God and all things good.”

“Have faith?” I soon was mocking. “Oh – if only that I could.”

My laughter made him wince; my words stinging like a tack;

I felt guilty all at once, but I could not take them back.

I kept watch upon his face, and the emotions warring there;

He wanted so to reach me; he couldn’t believe I didn’t care.

I struggled to find words that would better state my views,

But though a thousand came to mind, I wasn’t sure which ones to choose.

At last it was, I sighed, and I offered him a grin.

I then began to ramble on; to explain my thoughts on sin.

I said, “It’s not that I am angry, so please don’t misunderstand.

Just take a look around us, at this forgotten little land…  

You preach to me of rapture, you say “‘His’ plan’s in all of this”,

And you tell me that all faithful, will someday know of bliss…

But you see, I walk upon this earth, and I see pain everyday,

And while I’d love to have you faith, sir, I don’t believe the words you say.

The good so often suffer, while bad men oft seem blessed,

And children fall as victims, while the darkness is impressed.

There seems no rhyme nor reason, and life’s often so unfair,

So while I’m glad you’ve found devotion, it’s not something we can share.”

Mortified he seemed, with his eyes fixed on my face,

And I am sure that all he wanted, was to be away from my dark space.

But still he tried to smile; I must credit him for that;

And so I reached across the table to give his hand a little pat.

“It’s not that you are wrong,” I sought to reassure.

“Faith is what some need, and so in that, you’ve found a cure;

A reprieve from all the darkness, and the helplessness I feel;

And since you believe it’s true, I can not say that it’s not real.

So rest assured, my friend, it’s not a challenge that I want;

I do not mean to hurt you, and my goal is not to taunt;

But what about the wars that have waged in your Gods name?

And all the useless death, to which he seems own blame?

And what of all the violence that have set empires to crumble,

All to prove the righteousness, of those who claim they’re humble?

There are those who hold his book and clutch it to their heart

That seem the harshest sinners as the world just spins apart.

So how can you then ask me, to stake claim in what you say?

And how can you expect, that I get on my knees and pray?”

His eyes were oh-so-wide, as I spoke to him each word,

But despite the points I’d made, t’was only my heathenism heard.

Still he sat their – calm and silent – unsure how to proceed

And I could see he was a good man, who’d meant only a kind deed.

I smiled then, so slightly, for I knew he meant no harm;

All he’d tried to do here was give me something warm;

Yet without provocation, I was striking at his soul.

It must have seemed intentional; but that was not my goal.

Yet he’d opened up a flood, and I could not stop it now,

I said, “If ‘God’ is the only option, I beg; tell me how?”

“How can he look down, upon this horrid little flock,  

And not rush down to fix us; is he even taking stock?

How can he sit idly, as blood’s spilled in his name?

And why has he not come to end, this twisted little game?

I’ve looked upon his scriptures and read that everything’s his plan,

And I’ve heard it said – too often – that freewill’s the test of man…

Now tell me this, dear sir, because I’d really like to know;

If everything’s his plan, why does he insist upon this show?

We can’t blame him for our sins, and yet we’re not allowed our pride.

He sees our every movement, and yet our deeds we must confide.

We’re made in ‘his’ great image, and yet our souls are often black,

So does this mean he’s imperfect?” (and here I finally saw him crack).

He leapt up from his chair; and he was shaking as he went.

“I’ll pray for you,” he mumbled. But his patience had been spent.

“I’ll pray for your dark soul and that someday you’ll be saved.”

But I saw that he believed my road to hell had just been paved.

To look upon this sinner and to know his chance had sailed;

To see me in this disbelieve and to know that he had failed;

It’s something that I know will haunt him till his end

And just for that tiny moment, I wish I could pretend.

He’d reached out to me briefly, to share the faith that he had found,

And instead of being grateful, I’d knocked his offer to the ground.

A part of me felt sad, as I watched him take his leave

And I found that I was wishing that I could make myself believe.

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11 responses

  1. Awh crap, that was beautiful. (Just FYI, my awh craps are always positive.)

    I love the last line. LOVE IT.

    March 19, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    • Heh! Thanks! I really feel like it still needs some work though… but I gotta run so I figured I’d let it go for now and look at it with fresh eyes later on.
      I’ll talk to you later beautiful!!! If you need a smile, think of me doing a boogie to ‘I’m sexy and I know it’. 😛

      March 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

      • I think it’s fine.. But every writer has their own perspective so I’ll shut up..

        Have fun today and each pizza!

        And now that you mention it, I’ll be sure use my imagination to it’s maximum extent.

        March 19, 2012 at 3:02 pm

  2. I bet he’ll be back… Very thoughtful piece – you obviously put some time into crafting this. I like it.

    March 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    • Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it. As for the man… that was a decade ago and in another place.

      March 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

  3. it was done, ok? it was perfect – you are too hard on yourself sometimes robin
    and didn’t i say for you two to get a bleedin’ room?

    March 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    • I can be tough on myself… I know… but this still doesn’t feel quite right to me.
      And yes… she just needs to come to canada!

      March 19, 2012 at 6:13 pm

      • nothing to stop you reposting it later – i thought it was great though

        March 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm

  4. I think it is beautiful and deep and stirring. I find that faith is one of the hardest things to hold and your words reflect so for me about pieces of my own process.

    March 20, 2012 at 10:13 am

    • I’m glad that you enjoyed it… thank you so much for commenting.

      March 20, 2012 at 11:51 am

  5. I thought this is perfectly done and crafted! Thank You! 🙂

    April 13, 2012 at 8:10 pm

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