A blog about whatever randomosity my fevered mind conceives.

Challenge Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol…

By now, most of you should know that I’m a firm believer in ‘to each his (or her) own’ and ‘if it feels good, do it’, so one might assume that this would be a pretty straightforward answer. Oh, if only. While I do believe in (and live by) these mottos, there are certain stipulations on them. The most significant restriction being that if it causes undo harm to anyone else, it negates the original philosophy. Because addiction; as life has shown me time and again; tends to be just as dangerous (if not more so) to those who love the addict than to the addict themselves, this is where the whole philosophy can get tossed out the window.

Now, these days I’ve adopted a drug free way to be, but I’d be a complete hypocrite if I simply said, “say no to drugs!” and left it at that. The truth is, I’ve spent more than my fair share of time drifting in an altered state. For the most part, I stuck to the lighter drugs, believing (foolishly enough) that it if came from nature, it couldn’t really be that bad for you. I was so high, so often throughout my teens and early twenties that people almost always asked, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ when I was straight. It was rather amusing actually.

It wasn’t until I sprung a hole in my sack of marbles that I even messed around much with the heavier stuff… self medicating (obviously) is the exact opposite of wise when you’re already a few French fries shy of a happy meal. Still, it seemed like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, I’m lucky I didn’t make myself irrevocably bonkers… one of the idiot moves I made was messing about with meth. Fortunately for me I never made a regular habit of it, and my brain was such a disorganized disaster that I’d likely not have recognized the pull of addiction if it had yanked my eyeballs out of my skull.

At some point during my decent into utter madness, I realized – rather out of the blue, if my memories can be trusted – that I felt disconnected from the stranger in the mirror. It was one thing to be detached from everyone else around me, and a whole other basket of crazy to lose any and all connection with myself. After awhile, the stranger in the mirror actually started to scare me; at some point I even became more than a little afraid of touching reflective surfaces. It wasn’t long after that that I realized the drugs definitely weren’t helping. They had to go, and so they did. There were no withdrawals for me; either I’d lucked out and managed not to get myself addicted to anything, or as I previously stated, I was too messed up otherwise to notice; and this was a good thing.

Drug use is a pretty common occurrence in the world (and family) that I come from. There have been plenty of people in and throughout my life that have suffered greatly from drug addiction; many of which I’d like to talk about a little more here at some point in the unforeseen future; and some that have even been lost to it. I have no excuse for my own idiocy, because I knew – could see – the negative effects of chemical abuse from an early age. Unlike Laney in my novella ‘Reflections: Laney’s Story’ (shameless plug) I didn’t have the excuse of ignorance; instead I walked willingly down a dangerous path; and I will always consider myself incredibly lucky for coming out of those dark woods pretty much unscathed.

These days I am a social drinker, but again I admit to overindulgence in my past. After losing a few of my favourite marbles, I used alcohol along with the drugs to self-medicate. Once again, I was incredibly lucky; I was passed over by the kiss of addiction. I don’t know why this is; addiction runs heavily in my family and I recognize that I have an addictive personality when it comes to many things. I have no idea how I managed not to lose complete control of my life when it came to substances either legal or otherwise. All I can say is that it is what it is.

At the same point in time when I walked away from the drugs, I walked away from alcohol. I didn’t have a single drink for about four years (give or take), and it was only after I found myself in a good headspace that I started to drink again in social situations.

These days I believe that if we remain self-aware we can (at least sometimes) see the dangers of possible addiction before it has the chance to wrap its steely claws around our throats, however – as I well know – self-awareness is often only earned with time, experience and wisdom. This is why (I believe) that addiction most often seems to claim us when we’re ether young and naive, or when we’ve lost the ability to properly communicate with ourselves. Addiction is a dreadfully ugly disease with many faces, but since I don’t really want to get into a heavy discussion about addiction right now (even though I’d originally intended to), we’ll just move on…

Given my own experiences, what are my current views on drugs and/or alcohol? You might be tempted to think that because I have two children I would simply say, ‘DON’T do it,’ and leave it at that. But no; my counsel would be self-control, moderation and education – know what you’re getting yourself into! While I would greatly prefer that my kids never even test the waters, the reality is that most teens – at some point or another – hear the call to experimentation. Rather than being a hypocrite, I choose instead to keep lines of communication open. I’m honest (to a degree – there’s some things she’s not old enough to know in detail yet) with my eldest about my past substance abuse and what I would change (and why) if I were given the opportunity to do it all over again. It’s an ongoing discussion between us, and since I truly believe that knowledge is power, we’ve even done a little research together. I can’t be with her every moment of every day, and at some point she’ll need to make certain decisions for herself… all I can do is give her the right tools to make educated choices.

In closing, I want to revisit my opening statement; ‘to each his (or her) own’ and ‘if it feels good… do it’ – so long as it causes no undo harm to others AND/OR any (needless) harm to yourself. Be smart. Be self-aware. Be vigilant of the addiction monster, and stay educated.

Side Note: I want to share a little something with you that I’ve come to be quite passionate about; I feel that one of the biggest dangers that our youth is currently faced with is a lack of education when it comes to Methamphetamines. They’re very cheap and easily attainable, and they have extremely long reaching (and severely negative) effects. I know kids as young as 12 that have already experimented with these drugs. If you’ve got teens or preteens, or even if you’re just a little curious about the drug yourself, check out this video (sorry, I have no idea how to resize it) or at least do a little light reading on the subject. 
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4694182483714623833#

{A little later I think I’m going to gather a selection of poetry to share with you. Some of it is old, some of it new, but all relating to this topic in one way or another.}

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37 responses

  1. this post touched me deeply (all your posts do, but this one in particular) i have been down the addiction road too and nearly lost my mind and life with it – alcohol was my drug of choice although i would smoke, snort, and fix pretty much anything that came my way. i was looking for oblivion. your words reached into my heart and brought good tears to my eyes – i had little in the way of parental guidance and i think your girl is lucky to have your honest approach. i think she will be fine. i think i was always destined to be a drug user: when we had the scare-em-to-death anti-drug video at school, i just sat there thinking ‘yeah, i wanna do that’. i could have been a writer years ago, if it weren’t for my addiction but then… what the fuck would i have written from?
    thanks soooo much for this x

    March 20, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    • Aye, our experiences shape us… I don’t think there’s much I’d undo if I was given the power to, mostly because I do like who I am now, and I might not be this person if anything in my past was different. It’s a strange thing to consider that actually.
      When I was younger, like in my teens, I had pretty much the same outlook on things – I was the badass sitting in her chair laughing at the videos – high as a damn kite. I had pretty shitty parental guidance too (my mom taught me how to roll a joint when I was eight – how fucked up is that lol) and I still have no idea if my approach is any better… but I gotta hope honesty and education is better than bullshit and ignorance. It certainly can’t be worse right?
      I’m delighted you liked this one doll. Thanks – X –

      March 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

  2. LittleEmz

    I have been an addict of sorts since I was 14. I spent ten years on amphetamines (speed) and when I eventually went to rehab, the doctor said, I quote; “We have never treated a speed addict before”. I found this absolutely outstanding since most of the large circle of wasters and criminals I was forced to hang around with had been on the stuff for years. There is very little education about amphetamines and meth-amphetamines. I believe it is because they rarely kill you instantly. Death is more of a long drawn out process that begins with the onset of insanity.

    Great Post x

    March 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    • I hope you were eventually able to find adequate help and understanding; I find it insane to think that the doctors would have such little knowledge of the addiction considering how long (and how bad) the problems been around now. I’ve lost a few people to this particular addiction myself, though it’s never been the drug that’s killed them, but complications arising from. Meth scares the hell out of me; it’s way too easily attainable and people are still so undereducated about it. Anyway… thanks for commenting luv, X.

      March 20, 2012 at 12:34 pm

  3. I am under the same notion you are in regards to drugs. It’s actually one that I adopted through libertarian philosophy(not meaning to get political here!). I am what you might call a beer snob. I hold myself to no more than two beers a week(if that). I might be broke if I drank more–boy is that an expensive hobby! With that being said, I don’t really consider that drinking. To me, drinking is consuming alcohol with the intent to get drunk. I like a beer for the taste: beautiful malts, hops and yeast! Mmmm. I kind of think of it as the hyperactive kid vegging out on mac and cheese(excessive drinker) vs. the skinny hippy savoring shavings of rich parmesan reggiano(beer snob). Weird, I know.

    Personally, I do not condone mind-altering drugs. I think it’s a cheap way out. People use them to warp and alter their reality. Why should I take something that deceives me of this wonderful world I live in? I think you’re right. These kind of things prey on the young and naive. I think drugs, for the most part, expose the weakness in people. However, for as vile and disgusting as drugs are, I can not find any reason in my soul that justifies taking them away from people. It is their life. No has the right, nor the ability, to protect people from themselves. Though living free of drugs might seem righteous to me, it could be considered a vice to another.

    You should be proud of yourself, and I am glad you’ve used your past to enlighten you. That speaks volumes about your character. Your past reminds me of the Chinese proverb, “a gem can not be polished without friction and a man can not be perfected without trial.” One of the best things about your story is that it provides legitimacy in your life. Anyone who knows about your past will treasure your word because you persevered through a time of tribulation; you made a commitment to yourself and you honored it. At least to me, I find a great deal of respect in that!

    Thanks a lot,

    Pat

    March 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    • Ah, yes… I’m actually rather fond of the taste of beer myself, so I can understand that.
      While I do not believe in the consumption of mind altering drugs anymore for myself, I do not feel fit to judge others for their choices, and I’m not big on being a hypocrite so I’ll never expect that someone shouldn’t do something just because I say I’ve been there – tried that – and found it distasteful. I think this life is a different journey for each of us, and sometimes we have to make mistakes in order to become better people. Also, there are plenty of people who know their own limitations and never take things to a place beyond their control. Because most are not so fortunate as that, I think there defiantly needs to be more education on the matter, especially where our youth is concerned; I believe schools should stop showing those antiquated videos and start relying more on first hand accounts from recovering addicts. I know that might sound harsh, but the key (I believe) is in finding people that kids can look up and then allowing them a glimpse into the hardships they’ve gone through. I know some schools are already taking this approach and I think it’s a step in the right direction. Knowledge really is power.
      I appreciate your kind words. All I can hope to do is be the best person I can be and stay true to myself.
      Thank you so much for your great comment. ~Robin~

      March 20, 2012 at 1:36 pm

  4. TheOthers1

    I’m really glad that addiction didn’t grip you. Working labor and delivery, I’ve seen enough people get involved with drugs at the expense of everyone including their unborn child. I refrain from being judgemenal because I know it doesn’t take much to start down a path like taking drugs and not be able to get off it. I try to be caring and understanding. I’ve personally never done drugs because I know I’d put myself in a bad stop if I did.

    I appreciate your honesty. This was a lovely post to read. 🙂

    March 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    • Thank you!! I’ve always had utmost respect for people in your field; the things you must see and have to deal with… it’s not for the weak.
      Never doing drugs is probably the smartest way of going about it… unfortunately not all of us are that smart from the get go. Half the reason I go out of my way to remain nonjudgmental is due to the fact that I have made so many mistakes in my own past. Ah, but life is a dance, even if it takes some of us longer than others to figure out the steps. 🙂

      March 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm

  5. SweetP

    Thank you for such an open honest post on your past experiences! I’ve never touch any drug, basically I’ve been scared too. I’m not one to let anything control me, and it just scared the crap out of me. But a few years ago my son told he that he does pot. I freaked out! His dad did it in high school like 99.9% of teens so I called him, he too was quite disappointed. It’s something I had to accept because hey, I could not stop him try as I might. I threw everything out that I would find, etc. etc. But what scares me is that we never knew! What would be the signs? What do we look for to know if it’s become a problem? I’d love your opinion. I think my daughter is more like me, even her brother says that, but he is still a concern. He says he would not try anything stronger then pot, so I can only trust him on that!

    March 20, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    • It seems that I find myself giving a lot of advice lately, even though I don’t think I’m much qualified to do so, nor do I really like giving it for the most part. Since you asked, however, I will try my best.
      I think the first thing you need to realize is how lucky you are that your son felt he could trust you enough with honesty; that’s an obvious testament to your job as a parent. I know when it comes to my relationship with my children, maintaining an open line of honest communication is something I consider extremely vital. For me this means putting aside any snap judgments I might have, remembering my own mistakes in life and keeping in mind that no one could have lectured me out of anything back then.
      The second thing I’d say is that you really can’t follow your son around with an umbrella of suspicion; that’s a quick way to kill the trust he came to you with in the first place. Try to hear what he actually says and feels about the subject, and try to remain open minded even if it is something you have a hard time understanding.
      Thirdly (and perhaps most importantly) do your best to help educate him on the matter so that he has the tools to (hopefully) make better decisions for himself. (For example, I watched the video at the bottom of this post with my daughter even though she’s only eleven years old… we had a very long, very difficult conversation about it afterwards. Like I mentioned in my post, I believe meth is one of the biggest dangers our children face today. For the most part, the more dangerous drugs are not cost effective for high school students and have never really been so; this is not true about meth. It’s often cut with speed and/or other more dangerous drugs/chemicals so that the cost can be kept shockingly low and therefore easily attainable for the younger crowds.)
      At anytime with our kids – whether we’re worried about drugs or anything else – I think we should be watching for the same signs; withdrawal from people/things they usually enjoy, excessive moodiness (keeping in mind, of course, that all teens are moody to a degree), major (and sometimes sudden) changes in personal appearance or personal habits, prolonged health issues like chronic coughs and/or rashes, acting out at home or at school in violent or irrational ways (again keeping in mind some teens will do this from time to time with or without drugs). It’s important not to panic if you notice any of these signs; panic won’t do either of you any good. I’d suggest (if you have noticed any of these things) talking to your son first and foremost – again with as much understanding as possible. If the situation was to become more complicated in any way, I’d have to suggest contacting a professional.
      I’d also like to point out that I have known many people who have smoked marijuana that have never progressed into other drugs. I know it’s often considered a gateway drug, but I’ve always had certain reservations about that (while I no longer do drugs of any kind myself, I am in favor of legalizing marijuana; it’s milder and less physically harmful than alcohol and has many medicinal uses). On this note it might be in your best interest to educate yourself a little more on the subject. Fortunately we live in an age wherein a never ending supply of information is at our fingertips… knowledge – I believe – truly is power.
      I’m not sure if anything I’ve said here is helpful; I can only hope it might be. ~Robin~

      March 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      • SweetP

        Thank you! Yes it helped! I know I have to let him go, he is almost 20 now and I’ve promised myself not to worry. And thanks for the adivce re “gateway drug”, THAT has been such a worry to me! Yes maybe I do need to educate myself more, seems he is prob more in the know then I am. Yes I’m glad he did tell me as well, I’m proud of that 🙂 He has gone thru, and still is, low self esteem and I just feared that once he’s out of the house, this will overtake him and maybe drugs could be dangerous, but I’m also confident that he has enough smarts to not go down the wrong path. He’s a great kid, I just want him to believe in himself! xx

        March 21, 2012 at 5:04 am

      • Ah, it doesn’t matter how old they get… we’ll never really be able to let them go. That’s part of the deal with being a parent I suppose; even when they’re fifty we’ll still worry about whether they’re eating right and if they’re happy… there’s nothing wrong with that.
        Low self esteem is a tough one; it’s something I really had to struggle to overcome myself. The good news is that he seems to have great support, and that is the key factor I believe.
        Good luck with you and yours! x

        March 21, 2012 at 6:24 am

  6. I think I’m the first person in my family to EVER do drugs. I swear they all pretend to be saints. Mom hardly drinks, but dad needs his glass in the evening. He doesn’t get drunk or anything, but he needs that one shot of scotch, which is surprisingly my choice of alcohol too.

    I’m not addicted.. Yet.. But I probably won’t get addicted since I’m moving back home in a month and that doesn’t leave me with much of opportunity. I stick to weed.. Haven’t really tried anything else, though I do have a feeling that I’d like to try acid once. The issue is I don’t have anyone around here that I trust enough to do acid with.

    Alcohol is an on and off obsession of mine. I quit in between for an year, and then started up again. The only thing that really pisses me off about alcohol is that it doesn’t get me high unless I mix or drink insane quantities. It just seems like too much trouble to go through for a 10 minute buzz.

    My mom, thankfully, is very very very chilled out. I can never tell her about the drugs, not because she wouldn’t understand, but because I really really don’t wanna disappoint her. She knows I drink and she knows I smoke, somehow I think dealing with that is more than enough for her. Smoking is against our “religion” so you know… :S

    I’m glad you made it through the tough times and that you’re here with us now. 🙂 I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. I love how you’re so honest about everything and have such an open mind. Your kids are so so lucky!

    March 20, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    • It’s so weird when I do these posts… people keep saying how cool (or whatever) it is that I can be so honest about this stuff… honestly, all of it makes me think still, but none of it bothers me anymore. Is that weird? I don’t know if my kids are lucky or not… I may be more understanding than some parents, but I’m also going to be a hell of a lot harder to fool… that would have made me crazy lol.
      For the record, in my teens weed and acid and mushrooms were my drugs of choice… I did so many hallucinogenics it’s probably no wonder I have split personality disorder now, hehe. I’m still fully for the legalization of marijuana however, even though I don’t smoke it anymore.
      As for the booze… these days I like to tie one on occasionally… but it’s really different now than it was for awhile back then. I don’t think there’s a problem with drinking for most people most of the time… I know that once upon a time I was putting myself at risk, so I’m glad I’m over that.
      I’ve been loving this challenge so much that I’ve been searching for a new one to start when it ends… I so didn’t even think I liked writing on command… yet another thing I’ve learned about myself this month, lol

      March 20, 2012 at 6:59 pm

      • No. Its not weird at all. It just means that you’ve processed and accepted it so that you’re okay with it now. You’re emotionally mature man! Kudos! 😛 I don’t have the guts to post stuff like this right now because I’m still living through it. Once, I’m past it, maybe I’ll be able to write about. Lol.

        Haha. Maybe your kids won’t feel the “need” to fool you. Maybe they’ll find comfort in being honest and count on your acceptance and advice. I mean, that’s what I do with my mom. I can’t fool her for shit. She’s too damn smart. Directly or indirectly, she knows about every relationship I’ve ever had.

        And yes. Mushrooms are on my list as well, with the same issue of having no one around that I trust enough. I only “indulged” a year back. I had the addicted phase for like a month or two where I’d be doing weed every single day, but somehow I managed to grow out of it.

        I really do hope marijuana gets legalized. I mean, I know it’s not completely healthy, but it’s not any worse than smoking. But that’s just me.

        Everything is moderation is what everyone keeps saying and I completely agree, except for the fact that I can never actually do it. I get addicted first, and then I moderate. Lol.

        I’ll look around to see if I can find anything for April. 😛

        March 20, 2012 at 7:08 pm

      • Ya, that’s really what it all boils down to. I don’t think I could have talked about half this stuff in a public forum even just a few years ago. Holy crap! Can it really be that I’m emotionally mature? Who would have thought that was even possible?!?
        I hope my kids won’t feel the need to try and fool me; at this point in time I don’t think they will, but only time will tell that for sure.
        Your mommy sounds like a really cool lady… that’s awesome. You’re so lucky!
        The thing with drugs like acid and mushrooms is that you COMPLETELY need to be able to trust the people you’re with… you’re smart as hell on that note. Depending on who you’re with, where you are and what you’re doing, the entire trip can differ greatly.
        Back when I was younger I had a hell of a bad weed problem – not an addiction, I really don’t believe you can get addicted to it. Every damn day for years on end! Man, it’s a wonder I even have any brain cells left! I really hope they do legalize it; B.C. stands the biggest chance of that happening I think. I don’t understand while alcohol is legal, but weed isn’t. When’s the last time you heard about someone getting high on weed and killing someone in a fit of rage? Doesn’t usually happen; pot heads tend to be pretty mellow as a rule.
        You’re right about the moderation thing… I was always horrible for that. Usually for me, it’s one of those retrospect deals… OH! That’s what I SHOULD have done, duh!
        If I can’t find one that looks really interesting, I might take pieces from a few different ones and put them together… seems there’s a lot of them out there with a few good prompts and then a bunch of stupid stuff. I don’t really want to talk about how I’m going to tell my crush I’m crushing… I mean, Jensen must be getting sick of my emails by now 😛

        March 21, 2012 at 7:38 am

      • Yes. *proud face* YES YOU ARE. 😛

        My mommy is pretty cool. I’m too freakin’ lucky. Whatever she lacks, dad makes up for it. They had an arranged marriage, but they really do make the “complete each other” cliche work.

        Dude. Don’t worry about the future so much. I’m sure your kids won’t even WANT to fool you if you keep honest with them. I was always brought up with the principle that if you want respect, give respect and if you want trust, you’ve got to GIVE trust. It’s a two way road no matter what relationship.

        Merci beaucoup. I’ve heard too many horror stories about people who get high with the wrong crowd,which is why I need the “right” people, which is also why I probably won’t end up getting high EVER. My trust issues are of an alien kind when it comes to friends. 😛

        And yeah. That’s another point. I don’t wanna end up having a bad trip and screwing myself over. I used have a tendency to harm myself, so I don’t need THAT coming out again.

        I don’t think I’ll ever really completely stop smoking weed, unless it becomes unavailable. I won’t miss it, but I don’t mind the temporary uplift from time to time. The city where I stay, weed “needs” to legalized because I’m pretty sure 90% of the population smokes it and it’s probably the main source of income in a lot of families. But concept of “legalization” would send the country into shock. It’s too culturally “inept”.

        Pot heads do tend to be mellow… And anti-social when it comes to interacting with sobers.. If the debate was ever legalize pot or alcohol? I’d choose pot hands down!

        I’d like to seeeeeeeeeeeee your work.

        Question though. As a fellow writer or whatever. Whenever you DID get high, did you write? Like.. Did a wave of inspiration ever hit you?

        And dude. You can always talk about Jensen. I swear I’ll kiss my screen the minute that there’s a post about him. 😛

        March 21, 2012 at 7:52 am

      • LMAO – okay, I’m going to respond to this backwards (or upside down)… first, ya dude! Jensen’s pretty freakin hot! I used to keep his pic on my desktop but it got way too distracting and I kept messing up my keyboard with the drool.
        I ALWAYS used to write high; and when I was writing I thought it was the most profoundly brilliant stuff in the world… sometimes it was actually pretty good, but just as often, it didn’t even make sense.
        When you say ‘see my work (or ‘seeeeeeeee my work :P)’ do you mean like more of my own writing or more of these prompt pieces or like, a list that I put together from bits of lists? LOL did that even make sense?
        If I had to choose between which one was legal, I’d choose weed too. It would make more sense I think. In B.C. it’s such an open thing; when there’s street festivals and stuff, people smoke it right out in the open, even though there’s cops coming and going – and the cops almost never seem to give a rat’s ass. I really didn’t realize it was such a big deal in India… I guess I never really thought about it before. I just assumed it would be a lot less socially acceptable over there… which I guess is what you’re saying lol, but I just didn’t realize so many people smoked and/or sold it.
        Oh, and I don’t mean to scare you… but I have known a few people over the years that basically fried their brains on acid… actually, one day I should write about Burn (can’t remember his real name, but that’s what everyone called him) Total brain fry. So ya… you HAVE to be careful. I wasn’t… but again, hindsight.
        Never hurt yourself again! I mean, if you have to stub your toe or something fine, but that’s it! I need you… you’re awesome, so you can’t do that.
        I think I read somewhere that arranged marriages often tend to work out better (and last longer) than unions formed out of love/lust and whatnot. I find that incredibly interesting. I’m curious now… are your parents planning on wedding you off, or are they more progressive?
        And ya, I don’t worry about the future much when it comes to most things, but I do worry about it some when it comes to raising my kids… I didn’t exactly have good role models when it comes to the parenting thing, and I’m so winging it that I’d be a fool not to at least occasionally question my methods. But deep down… I really think things will work… my kids rock.
        Holy hell this is a long comment LOL

        March 21, 2012 at 8:06 am

      • Haha. I’m planning on making Jensen bookmarks or something so that I have that beautiful face to inspire me everyday. Bwahaha.

        Lol. Good. I’ve heard a lot of people say that they can’t write when they’re high, expect that’s about all I can do when I’m high. I eat and write. Period. I get too lazy to move my ass from my corner, and I glare at anyone to disturbs me when I’m in my “zone”. But yeah, some of the stuff’s great and some of it’s complete crap, but that happens even when I’m writing sober.

        When I say “seeeeeeeeeeee your work” I mean your own writing. 😛 But also, I like how you keep doing the prompts because they complement the writing. Like provide a backdrop for a play.

        Can move to B.C.? Please? LIKE PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP? It’s pretty chilled out here as well.. But not THAT chilled out. At music festivals, AT NIGHT, people make cigarette joints and smoke them. No one says anything. But if you’re on the street, no matter what day it is, if they catch you, you’re screwed.

        Lol. Weed is FROM India. Well, somewhere up north, I’m not sure where exactly. One of the Hindu gods actually enforces smoking weed.. So you know.. Indians have been in on it for a long long time.. Like since ancient times..

        Friend their brains on acid? 0_0 FUCK. I only wanna try it once. Just to know what the fuss is all about. But I have a tendency, like I told you before, to get addicted FIRST and let go LATER. That’s the only thing that I’m a little afraid of.

        And no worries, I’m not gonna hurt myself EVER again. That was just a weird phase in life.

        Even I’ve read that arranged marriages work out better than love marriages, and it’s an everyday debate is this country. It all depends really. I really have no opinion, except for do what you think is right FOR YOU.

        My parents and I have worked out a pretty cool system actually. I don’t have to make any decision about getting married until I’m settled into my own life. The condition being, that if I ever do fall in love (the forever after kind), I inform them and let the families meet, other wise, they’ll rack up a list of guys they think are suitable and I can date them for a bit. I told them I need AT LEAST 2 years of dating a guy before I can even THINK of marrying him, and they’re okay with it. I dunno. It’s too far in the future for me to even BEGIN to think about how it’s gonna turn out.

        I think that marriage is something that, if you do choose to enter, should be respected. You should be prepared to put in the time and the effort required to make it work. It’s not meant to be a walk in the park.

        I’m telling you, as a person who’s just recently “grown up” in chronological sense at least, honesty is the best you can offer your kids. It’s the one thing I will ALWAYS respect my mom for. We had our fair share of issues, sure, but the fact that she was ALWAYS honest with me is what kept me grounded.

        March 21, 2012 at 8:28 am

      • Honesty is definitely the key to ANY relationship… so that just makes perfect sense.
        You’re absolutely right; marriage is something that needs to be respected. I never understand people that get married after a few months of dating… that’s nuts. You know my beau that I’ve occasionally talked about? We actually got together 17 years ago… originally. We split up for quite awhile because well, I went crazy, but also because we really did have a hard time adjusting to growing up together at first. Still, 17 years and 2 kids later, and we’re still not married. We’ve been engaged for bloody ever… he really wants to, and like I said in that one post (whichever one it was) we probably eventually will lol. Since we first met, nearly all of our friends have gotten married and almost all them have gotten divorced (at least once). People don’t seem to take commitment very seriously anymore… it’s so sad.
        I think that’s a pretty fair deal you’ve worked out with your folks. I’ve known some families even over here that maintain their old world (for lack of a better phrase) ideals and are incredibly rigid on the whole arranged marriage thing even though their kids are completely against it. Again, you’re so lucky to have such great parents.
        The ‘fried brain’ thing is really not a common occurrence… if it was there’d be a lot less people doing it in the first place I think. Also, I’m not really sure you can get addicted to drugs like mushroom and acid… mental addiction to the high maybe, but not a physical addiction to the drugs. At least, that’s what I THINK. As long as you’re smart (which you obviously are) and careful you should be fine.
        I had NO idea that weed originated in India! How I didn’t know that is beyond me, lol but that’s pretty cool. And ya, there’s a lot of pot heads in B.C… damn I miss B.C.!
        I really want to be doing more short stories for here… the problem is that I don’t like using old material very often but while working on my novel I sometimes have a hard time focusing properly for the short story writing; right now I have like 9 of them in different states of progress! The last full one I finished was unforgiveable garbage, and the one before that was Ashes2Ashes lol. I need more time and less company and I’ll be able to work this out a little better. The prompts are neat because they get me writing different things in different styles… that’s why I like them so much – I never know what’s going to come out.
        I was always scribbling away when I was high. The other day I actually came across an old journal where almost all of the entries were done while under the influence; the very first page is something written during an acid trip and it’s bloody nuts lol.
        I have some killer pics of Ackles… I’ll have to make a post about him at some point just so I can show them off lol! Fun fact for you… one of the main sets they use in Supernatural is an old (mostly non-functional now) mental hospital in Coquitlam B.C. (sort of a sub-area of Vancouver) and the last place we lived before moving to Alberta was about a five minute drive from there. I never did manage to catch a glimpse of the filming though… which is probably a good thing since I’m not sure I would have been able to control myself HAHA!

        March 21, 2012 at 8:51 am

      • My mom is probably the reason that I’m so gung-ho honestly all the time.

        I get people getting married after a few month of dating.. I mean, sometimes it just clicks, you know? It works for some of the people, not so much for the others. Vegas marriages just piss me off. Every time I hear a story like that, I’m always thinking “WHY THE FUCK?”

        And WOW. You guys have been together for AGES. Kudos to you! 😛 I have huge commitment issues but I’m gonna save that for another post. I take commitment seriously, which is part of the reason that it terrifies me.

        Yeah. I love my parents for that. They do have a few restrictions, like no Muslims and dark colored people. I don’t know why exactly, but I think I’m okay with that. Like you said, I just consider myself lucky that they aren’t the kinds that go around saying “No one else but men from your own caste and religion.” They would PREFER that, but they don’t necessarily wanna limit me on that. As long he can keep me happy and support me, they’ll be okay.

        Mental addition is the worst man! I have huge issues with that. I mean, I suck at controlling my psychological urges. I worse than a pregnant lady. If I want something, I’ll go mental to get it.

        Well, I think it was the Himalayas that gave birth to marijuana. So basically any areas located around the foothills knew about it. China, India, Nepal and the sorts. I think it was all just one big kingdom back then. The west only discovered it when Alexander the Great stopped by.. I think. This is all guessing on my part. I read something AGES back that I can’t really remember so well right now.

        I completely the understand the lack of time issue. It’s hard to just sit down and focus at times, especially since you have people dropping by so often.

        A lot of people don’t like prompts, but I personally, love them! They always make you think in ways you didn’t think was possible before. Sometimes it’s harder, sometimes easier.

        Whenever I’m high, I always seem to jot down morbid crap. I’ve never gotten a bad trip so far *knocks on wood* but my writing always comes out depressing.

        ACKLES POST! ACKLES POST! WOOOHOOO! But I might disappear for a week or so after, because my laptop would probably be getting replaced after getting fried from all the drool.

        AND OMG! I’d camp outside that place just to catch a glimpse of Ackles.. Maybe even kidnap him.. I dunno. P

        March 21, 2012 at 9:13 am

      • Aye… I used to have commitment issues myself. It wasn’t a physical commitment thing; I had issues with emotional commitment. One of those things that happens when you’re used to getting screwed around by people I think. The funny thing is though, once I got over my old baggage that just kind of went away – mostly. lol.
        The older generations often have strange stipulations on who their kids date… I don’t agree with it, but I get that they’re coming from a different time and so it’s understandable. Given how cool they sound I bet they’d even get over their ‘restrictions’ if you were to actually fall in love with someone they (now) consider unfit. Who knows though.
        Oh ya, I am mentally addicted to all kinds of things… most recently this damn blog! Dude, I dream about it lately… that’s crazy lol. And it’s so weird that I’m like that but have no dangerous addictions (besides smoking). Or at least, I think it’s weird… and lucky.
        Oy! My time issues have been making me nuts lately. It won’t last forever however, it will work itself out eventually.
        I didn’t think I would like them – I hated them in school – but ya, they’re great! I’ve actually been on this interesting little mind-journey with myself this month. I really love that.
        HAHA! I used to do that too! I actually still have a morbid mind at times, I just don’t post a lot of the darker stuff I turn out because it’s so not on par with what I’m actually feeling and I’m avoiding people asking ‘omg! Are you okay?’ lol.
        Okay, I’ll tell you what… time willing, later today I will do a mini-post about Ackles and share some of my pics! Just for the hell of it! My daughter had a huge crush on Jared (Sammy) up until he started drinking the demon blood… so we were always trying to catch a glimpse of them and play-arguing about who was better hehe.

        March 21, 2012 at 9:26 am

      • YES. EXACTLY. Emotional commitment is just so darn hard to.. commit to. Lol. Here’s to hoping that I get over it one day. I’m sure I will too.. It’s just gonna take some time and major effort on my part.

        Oh no. My parents would KILL me for hooking up with a muslim. Well not kill me, but dis own me. Probably. My mom would get her head around it eventually, but my dad never would. The things is, our religions are really different regardless of whether I follow them or not. I’m “supposed” to be Sikh, and Sikhs and Muslims have been going at it since the beginning of time. They’d manage with anyone else though. As long as I’m happy, they’re happy. They really are the coolest EVER! 😛

        You dream about your blog? 0_0 HOW? I mean.. What happens in a dream.. about a blog.. That’s just mind boggling. But yeah. Even for me, one of my recent addictions is this blog and I think I’m gonna stick with it for a while since it’s not really harming me in anyway. Lol. I’m the same. Nothing dangerous that I’m “addicted” to expect smoking. I only smoke pot when it’s easily available and willingly offered. 😛

        I suck at managing my own time so I’m not even gonna comment on that. Lol.

        I hated them in school to. I think the issue there was that 1) They were forced onto you. 2) You didn’t really have a lot of options. 3) You have to answer them in a specific way and didn’t have the creative freedom to experiment.

        Lol. First off, YAY!!! 😀 I LOVE YOU ACKLES! And in case you ever stop by, I was just kidding about kid napping. I swear. 😛

        I only STARTED liking Jared once he started drinking demon blood. He’s still too much of a pretty boy though.

        March 21, 2012 at 9:37 am

      • I wouldn’t worry about it too much… You’re a hell of a lot more balanced than I was at 20, and I still managed to come out okay (hehe).
        Aww those little hang-ups are so funny… my brother in law says really non-PC things about what he’d do if his daughters ever married someone that wasn’t white… it drives me nuts. It’s kind of an ongoing argument between us… he doesn’t get off on being of the older generation so he’s just a dick.
        I dream about posts sometimes; it’s just weird random bizarre shite. And, because the weirdest thing is happening lately and there’s a few people that have been asking for advice or have called me inspirational and junk… some part of me that only my sleeping mind seems to be in contact with is a little afraid of letting people down. Like I said; weird!
        I’ve kind of started looking at this blog like the writing classes I wish I could be taking right now; it’s a chance for me to stretch my writing muscles and experiment so pretty much anything goes.
        Ha! I hated school when I was in school… I’m one of those annoying people that got good grades even though I skipped two thirds of my classes… I just didn’t want to be there at the time. It wasn’t until I was out of school that I started to acknowledge my inner nerd… Now, I’d fully become a life long student if I could.
        LMAO You might have been kidding… but I’m not sure I am lol. And dude, I was so the same way; the blood drinking gave him an edge… he was too – what? cute or something… too boyish – before that.

        March 21, 2012 at 9:47 am

      • Lol. Good to hear.. I think? 😛 I just have SO much to do, and I don’t know if I’ll get to do all of it. 😛

        Awh crap. Somehow they’re this stigma in India that ALL white people are chilled out. They don’t really get that every race has their own set of issues to deal with.

        Oi. You are inspirational! Hush! You’ve been through so much, that obviously people are going to be asking you for advice. And honestly, you’re good at it! AND OMG! I was thinking the exact same thing just the other day. The blog is EXACTLY like an online writing course, except for where you can do whatever the hell you want. Lol.

        Lol. I’ve had my opinion about school change a lot. I went a lot of different schools, some I liked, some I didn’t. There was always such a huge difference between the teaching methods, and the kids.. and everything basically. I was a pretty balanced out kid though. Social shit and studies always used have equalized distribution even though it didn’t really feel like it then. Looking back I finally realized that I didn’t do half bad for myself.

        I wasn’t kidding! I’m serious. The blood drinker FINALLY gave that guy a backbone.. Made him a man or whatever. 😛

        March 21, 2012 at 9:56 am

      • LOL right? He’s kind of being a wuss again this year though… oh well, seventh season, wathcha gonna do?
        I was so not balanced as a kid… hell, balance is something that I STARTED working on like a decade ago, but I’d say I’ve only really achieved it in the last three years or so. When I was in high school I had way too much going on in my life to give it the attention it really deserved. What time I did have for studies I usually wasted on frivolous things… not smart, but we live we learn.
        That’s exactly what I was thinking about blogging here. It’s exactly what I needed, even if I didn’t know that when I first signed up. While this is not my first blog, it is my most successful… mostly because it’s the first time I’ve really interacted with my readers and other writers and because it’s the first time I’ve drawn from personal experiences and philosophies… at least, that’s why I think this one’s so much more enjoyable and successful. It’s been a trip… I love it.
        Most people – even people that aren’t really aware of it – seem to have prejudice about one thing or another. Extremely self-aware people usually end up getting to the bottom of it and working it out, but for the most part, I don’t think people with minor prejudices are bad people… it has a lot to do with how we’re raised really. It would be nice though, if we could all just get over that crap… it’s such minor silliness that it strikes me as wasteful.

        March 21, 2012 at 10:09 am

      • I haven’t seen the seventh season yet due to internet issues. HUSH! Don’t temme what happens.

        Dude. My life’s working in the opposite direction. I “used” to be balanced and now I’m a mess. Gah. Here’s to hoping that I’ll get it together soon.

        Lol. I started my blog when I was wired.. I think I’ve already told you that before. So yeah. I wasn’t planning on continuing at all, but for some weird reason I did. It’s brought me SO much peace. I can’t even begin to explain how much it’s helped me.

        I’m glad you love your blog.. For selfish reasons, I’ll admit. 😛 I think you’re doing an amazing job! 🙂

        True. Everyone one has one thing or the other that they’re not completely comfortable with but the key here is tolerance. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to react to it. I never really had a chance to “hate” anything since I was subjected to racism at a very young age, but I will admit to being racist against racists. Did that make sense? I respect everyone’s point of view, I just don’t like it when someone tries to force their own philosophies on other people.

        March 21, 2012 at 10:34 am

      • I have huge issues when it comes to racism. I was raised in a family of racists who didn’t even make a lot of sense; you’ve seen what I look like… obviously I’m not flat-out white. I like to joke that my ancestors were all whores and I’m too mixed to even be considered a mutt. We have Japanese, English, Scottish, Native, Mexican and French in our bloodlines… just to name a few. I so could never understand their narrow-minded opinions. I used to fight about this whenever the opportunity came up; I was always fighting about something or another, it was crazy. Eventually I learned how to – not forgive but accept everyone for who they were. I still debate this topic constantly, but I no longer get angry or act like a nut (I used to lol).
        I’d be happy for starting my blog if the only good thing that ever came out of it was meeting a few great peeps like you and Kyle… since it’s given me that AND so much more, I like LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! I’m really glad you’re planning on keeping up with yours… I don’t know what I’d do if you quit… my poor heart couldn’t take it!
        And ya, you know you’re lucky if you had balance in your teens… so few people can say that. It’s not a negative reflection on you now that you’ve lost some of that balance, it’s called life and I hear it’s a bitch. Our 20’s are meant for experimentation and finding out who we are… don’t stress about it, just enjoy the experience… eventually it will all even back out.
        And no, I wouldn’t dare tell you about the 7th!!! Shhhhhhhhh

        March 21, 2012 at 11:01 am

      • Whoa.. You have A LOT races in you. Kudos! 😛

        I don’t understand. If you have so many different races already in your family, then why the racism?

        Hehe. None of my older blogs have ever been this successful, but none of them were ever meant to be this social. Lol. I love my blog, and I’m gonna keep it for as long as I can. 😛 I might even shell out for my own personal domain thing eventually. Lets see how it goes.

        I’m never ever going to get out of touch with you even if I don’t blog anymore. Email is a wonderful tool. 😛

        I had a OCD about balancing myself out as a kid BECAUSE of all the shit going on. Now that things have finally settled down, I decided to let go a little, and *sigh* here is where I am.

        YAY! 😀

        March 21, 2012 at 11:34 am

      • Dude, I don’t know.. I’ve never known and I’ll never understand it. I think part of it’s that so many of them are so white in appearance they just forget about the mixed up blood or something… my relatives are not typical. There are (and I wish I was kidding here) members of my family that are fully racist against Natives… um, hello??? How messed up can you get… no wonder I’m so… let’s go with different or special, hehe. I’m like the white sheep of the family lol. Actually, there’s a few of us like me, but for the most part they’re not the people you look forward to visiting at Christmas, which is why I now live so far away.
        Ya, me too.. in the past when I blogged it was more just to keep the crazy flowing out lol, I didn’t really want people knowing who I was so I used an alias and junk. This is so different… and way better. It’s kind of funny – I use a half alias on this blog, but my real name is on it too. I use aliases for most of the people I talk about – but if they stumbled over here, most of them would instantly know who they were in my writing. It’s all very silly.
        And YAY! I hope we both manage to stick around for a long ass time, but even if we don’t you’re right; email rocks.
        Awww… you silly goose (my kid calls me that lol) you’re great and smart and funny and beautiful and amazing… you’ll be just fine! I know… I’m like, y’know, a fortune teller and junk.

        March 21, 2012 at 11:44 am

      • That is so weird.. 0_0 No offence intended.. I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

        Lol. I’m using an alias. 😛 Which is mostly why I’m so comfortable blogging here. Every time I’ve used my real name, I kept blocking people out and ended up being paranoid about what I post. I figured, what’s in a name, you know? I always use aliases when I talk about people I know because.. Well, 1) Respect for their privacy 2) Not to get my face punched in and 3) Not to hurt them.

        I hope so tooooo. I’m hoping AT LEAST an year for this one. It’s a reasonable amount to expect. By then, I’m hoping that it’ll become so much of a habit that I won’t be able to let go.

        Haha. I’m silly goose? You gimme new names every day! 😛 You’re so freaking sweet! If I haven’t already told you, I LOVE YOU! 😀

        March 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

      • Oh no – I know just how weird it is… I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand my kin. I’ll write more about them as time goes on… lol you ain’t seen nothing yet.
        I technically have two last names; I do use my lesser known one on here and a lot of people in the really real world aren’t familiar with it. Still, I’m not too worried about people I know finding this blog partly because the ones that I’m less than kind about are generally too self absorbed to do a lot of heavy reading here, and because I’ve made peace with who and what I am… I’ve forgiven as many trespasses against me as I can, and started letting go of all the nastiness… since it’s my life and my experiences, I feel I have every right in the world to write about them. I use aliases for people even though they’d see themselves in my writing just as a way to cover up who they are from the rest of the world, but I honestly have no shame in writing about them. Still, hurting anyone is my last goal… I truly hope it never comes to that.
        At first I thought a full alias for myself would be wise just to avoid unnecessary self-censorship… but I’m finding that’s really not a problem.
        I fully get why you do it though… like I said, that’s what I’ve always done before.
        I’m a nick-namer… I can’t help it! It’s like a disease or something. lol AND I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

        March 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

      • Lol. You strong strong woman. You amaze me everyday!

        Damnit.. I want two last names too.. Lol. It’s all about processing isn’t it? 😛 I might change my name on here once I get comfortable enough.

        I’ve always had a fascination with pen names as well, which is part of why I use an alias. 😛

        March 21, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      • LMAO I almost signed up on wordpress with my imaginary pen name; Robin C.C. Lee

        March 21, 2012 at 12:41 pm

      • Hahaha. I like! 😛

        March 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm

  7. Thanks for this posting, I have never seen this video before.

    March 20, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    • yw… it’s disturbing but very informative.

      March 21, 2012 at 6:16 am

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