Challenge Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life…
Ah, I was so tempted to write some disturbingly dark, faux confession here; in my mind I was picturing a bloody knife glinting in the moonlight, a body slumped behind a car with an open trunk, and tears of fear and regret streaming down my face at the realization of what I’d done, and what I now how to do; but then I figured it might be a little too disappointing to come to a closing statement of, “Surprise! I was just kidding!” so I restrained myself.
You must forgive my momentary departure from reality – the sun’s not even up here, and I’ve yet to finish my first cup of coffee. The material ricocheting around inside my brain bucket at this time of day is rarely logical, which is exactly why I usually reserve the early morning for working on my novel. Busy day again, however, and I don’t yet know what my time schedule is going to look like, so I wanted to make sure I had this done before moving on to other things.
This prompt is a little difficult for me to answer, and not because I’m hesitating to confess where I’ve hidden all the bodies. It’s complicated because it goes against my customized life philosophies that include not wasting pointless time on wishing and/or giving power to regret. While I do (often) use the words, ‘I wish…’ in common conversation, I do try very hard not to actually wish. It’s like hate; I may be quick to say, ‘ewww, I hate that…’ but the truth is, I believe hating takes more energy than love, and so I really do try hard not to waste my time on the emotion. Can you even begin to imagine how complicated it is being me? Naw, actually these things only sound complicated when I try to put them on paper… nestled snugly in my grey matter, they seem to make a hell of a lot more sense, and they also serve (greatly) to better my life; to make me the best me that I can be. That being said, I am still in a state of personal evolution (and I am still human) thus, while I deeply believe I’m on the right track, and while I do my best to live by my own rules, sometimes things are a lot easier said than done. Depending on the day and my mood, I still wrestle with a few past regrets, even though I know just how pointless it is to do so. So let’s pick one of those things I sometimes regret, and get on with it, shall we?
I have spent a lot of time regretting the fact that I dropped out of school. Yes, I went back and got my GED, and yes, I even got some post-secondary education, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wish I had been able to just suck it up and finish high school on schedule. I know it’s a little silly; I’m aware that movies/television glorify the whole thing greatly; but I missed out on my graduation ceremony, my prom and the opportunity to start my real life on schedule.
Oh, I have a million excuses as to why I dropped out when I did, and some of them are pretty valid – I must allow myself that – but there are people (many of them) all around the world that deal with far more complicated lives than the one I had, that still manage to apply themselves and get a great education. Of all the mistakes I have made in this lifetime; oh and believe me, I’ve made my share of them; I truly do believe dropping out of high school was at least one of the top three. The worst part is that I was a naturally good student; without applying myself, I still managed to pull good grades; and by the time I left I’d already had two scholarships. They were both small – they never would have been enough to drag me all the way through college – but imagine what I might have accomplished if I’d actually been trying? After all these years, that thought still bothers the hell out of me.
Of course, it all just brings me back around to my own rules; there is zero point in wasting time thinking about and/or regretting past mistakes; I can’t go back in time, and I can’t undo/redo my choices. I can wish I hadn’t dropped out until I’m blue in the face, it really won’t make and ounce of difference.
I once knew a very wise older gentleman who summed this one up pretty well for me. Year ago, after listening to me rambling on about the things in my life I wished I could change, he grinned, farted and said, “I’ll tell you what, kiddo… you wish in one hand, I’ll shit in the other, and we’ll see which one fills up first.” Crude as it may have been, it was probably the best piece of wisdom anyone ever gave me, and it was the seed that eventually grew in to this particular branch of my life philosophy.
… Maybe I’ll tell you where I buried all the bodies later…
Damn it! Since I now how ‘Beauty School Dropout’ stuck in my fool head for some reason, I feel the need to hear it… and force you to hear it too!