A blog about whatever randomosity my fevered mind conceives.

Poetry

Baby I’m Sorry

{This is a reposting of a poem I did way back in the beginning that had like two views. Ya, I’m cheating (again), but hey look! It starts with a ‘B’ so at least I’m cheating with purpose! An interesting side note… This was actually written as a song (though there were some changes made to make it work better as a poem) and there is a very shitty recording of me singing it. If I didn’t love y’all so damn much, I’d post that clip just to scare you! tee hee}

You said, “Well baby I know that I made you cry,

and baby I know that I told you lies,

but I’m sorry now

… I’m so fuck’in sorry now.”

And I said, “Well baby I’m sorry that I’m walking away,

and baby I know that you want me to stay,

but I’m hurt’in now

… I’m so fuck’in hurt’in now.”

As I walked out the door, with hot tears on my face,

I felt so alone, and so out of place.

I felt so betrayed; so empty and strange;

but as I kept moving forward, I started to change…

You said, “Well baby I know that I wasn’t true,

and baby I know I was no good to you,

but I’m sorry now

… I’m so fuck’in sorry now.”

And I said, “Well baby I know that you’re full of shit,

and believe me, my dear; I’ll get over it,

but I’m angry now

… I’m so fuck’in angry now.”

And I laughed up at the sky as it started to rain,

for as the water came down, it washed clean the pain.

I thought; why should I care if I was breaking your heart,

when it was your indiscretions that tore us apart?

You said, “Well baby I know that I messed up bad.

And baby I know that I made you sad,

But I’m sorry now

… I’m so fuck’in sorry now.”

And I said, “Well maybe you’ll hurt, when you’re all alone.

And maybe you’re sorry; but you can’t atone,

‘Cause I’m over it now

… I’m so fuck’in over you now.”

I kept walking away, and I didn’t look back,

For I had no more use for such a sad, sorry sack.

I was thrilled it was over, and I was glad to be free,

And I was ecstatic to learn that you couldn’t break me.

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Fantasy

I dream of a life that’s never been;

A life that might never be.

I dream of a world that’s far away

Some land where we’re all free.  

I crave a passion that can not die,

And something more than lust.

I pray to gods I don’t hold faith in

That one day we’ll know of trust.

And trust that is not simply fleeting,

But life long, and for real.

I hope for something that can validate

All these crazy things we feel.

I want the life that rare few find;

Some contentment paired with grace.

I want a promise to hold on to

That one day we’ll find that place.


Attack

Too close,

Move back

Give me room to breathe.

I don’t mean exactly to be rude,

But I’d be happy if you’d leave.

Sigh deep

Feel pain

I hate that you’re so near

I’m freaking out and can’t compute

This most un-noble fear.

Something dark

Chocking me

Until I want to scream

I know exactly how this must look

But I don’t care how I seem.

Racing mind

Pounding heart

I need to calm this crazy beat

Perspiring – despite the chill

Oh, I suffer in this heat!

Don’t touch

Step back

I just want for you to go

How much I loath you in this moment

You really can’t begin to know.

I scowl

You smile

You don’t seem to understand

If I could find my voice to speak,

Your parting, I’d command.

You sit

I rise

There’s something wrong today

You try to be so very friendly

But I just got to get away.


The Watchers

The flakes fall in harmony

With the gentle breeze

That whispers through the silent trees

Lining the busy streets

Like continental soldiers.

They stand,

They watch,

They wait…

What are they waiting for?


Inked

I asked;

“If every dream I ever dreamt was tattooed on my skin,

And every time you looked my way, you could see the colour of my sin…

Would you still call me beautiful?”

You replied;

“A splash of colour in borders of black would do nothing to change your heart;

The things that make you – you inside, are what set you far apart…

You will always be beautiful to me.”

I asked;

“But if every lie I ever told, was etched for all to read,

And just by looking at my casing you could see the true depth of my need…

Would you still crave my touch?”

You replied;

“We all tell lies to make it though – they help us hide away our fear,

And need is such a soulful thing, it would only make me hold you nearer…

I will always crave your touch.”

I asked;

“What if all the hurt that I have buried was painted in brisk hues,

And just by lying next to me you’d be infected by my blues…

Would you still share my bed?”

You replied;

“To see your hurt would shatter me, but then I’d know what I must do;

And I would gladly take it all on me, it if could mean less pain for you…

I will always share you bed.”

I asked;

“But what if every one of my mistakes was turned to murals on my flesh,

And you could tell – by looking closely – that some of that ink was fresh…

Would you still give your love?”

You replied;

“I would want you more for your mistakes, because they’ve made you quite divine,

And how could I judge you for your errors, when you do not judge me for mine?

You will always have my love.”


Across the Room

I saw him there across the room

And knew at once my fate.

I tried to warn myself astray

But the warning came too late.

I knew it best to run away;

To disappear and hide;

But something there within his essence

Had already got inside.

He looked at me with azure eyes

And ‘come hither’ on his grin

And though I knew the wiser path

I went ahead and let him in.

I sensed it all within a beat

And knew that I was doomed

Yet on I moved – this eager fool –

Despite the pain that loomed.

So hungry was I to taste the passion

That my wisdom was soon lost.

And though it was, I sensed the danger

I thought I was prepared to pay the cost.

I was just enough a fool to follow

As he led me with desire,

But if I knew then what I know now

Would I have jumped into the fire?

Ahh… but saw him there, across the room,

And I hungered for his kiss.

I knew it safer to hang back

But I craved to feel that bliss.

So into the dance, I blindly stumbled;

Too eager to believe;

And by the time that dance was over,

I ached to watch him leave.


Faceoff

Surrounded by pandemonium…

Imprisoned by vampiric convictions that gnaw at the flesh –

That feed off the souls of the would be romantics

And dine on the pain of the suffering masses.

Dreaming a dream that is more of a nightmare,

Tasting a taste that is like loathing on the tongue.

Here we stand;

Facing you – you face me.

Facing me – I face you.

There is a standoff of moralities –

A dance to the tune of mutually assured destruction.

Without empathy

We are the losers

Left to drown in our own wreckage.

Without compassion

We are the anonymous warriors

Fighting only to haemorrhage.

Without vision

We are the breeders

Of a malfunctioning civilization.

All bound as one –

As two –

As an infinite sea of soiled faces.

Driven by a famine we can’t feed

And the whisper of a divinity we can’t feel,

We become vacant husks;

Simple shells without an understanding of purpose.

Locked in this cold embrace

We grapple.

Shackled to nothingness…

Tethered to the inner fiends that suckle at the teat of our terrors –

That lick the beads of anxiety from out brows

And ravage our innocence, sacrificed in vain.

Believing a truth that is more of a lie,

Feeling a caress that is like acid on the skin.

Here we stand;

Facing me – I face you.

Facing you – you face me.

There is a confrontation of wills –

A scrimmage to the death of our megalomaniacal methods

Without sympathy

We are the broken

Left to fall apart in our own hands.

Without affection

We are the demons

Blazing only to extinguish.

Without remorse

We are the murderers

Of every idyllic vision.

All fettered in cables of odium –

Just drifting

In an ocean of misunderstanding.

Captivated by false promises that won’t hold,

And the longing for things we don’t need

We become androids;

Programmed only to march without the concern of destination.

Eternally shackled to our perfunctory insecurities,

We fail.

We fail.