The first Eminem song that I ever heard was ‘Stan’ (it gave me goosebumps) and it caused me to fall instantly in lust with this man’s music. My baby brother (my favourite brother) looks an insane amount like this guy and I can’t watch one of his videos without missing the kid. I miss him now in fact… it’s been about a year since I last saw him and since we had to cancel any plans of going to B.C. this month (been a busy AND very expensive month around here) I likely won’t see him until sometime near the end of the summer.
Anywho… love this song… enjoy!
Beautiful – Eminem
“If every dream I ever dreamt was tattooed on my skin,
And every time you looked my way, you could see the colour of my sin…
Would you still call me beautiful?”
“A splash of colour in borders of black would do nothing to change your heart;
The things that make you – you inside, are what set you far apart…
You will always be beautiful to me.”
“But if every lie I ever told, was etched for all to read,
And just by looking at my casing you could see the true depth of my need…
Would you still crave my touch?”
“We all tell lies to make it though – they help us hide away our fear,
And need is such a soulful thing, it would only make me hold you nearer…
I will always crave your touch.”
“What if all the hurt that I have buried was painted in brisk hues,
And just by lying next to me you’d be infected by my blues…
Would you still share my bed?”
“To see your hurt would shatter me, but then I’d know what I must do;
And I would gladly take it all on me, it if could mean less pain for you…
I will always share you bed.”
“But what if every one of my mistakes was turned to murals on my flesh,
And you could tell – by looking closely – that some of that ink was fresh…
Would you still give your love?”
“I would want you more for your mistakes, because they’ve made you quite divine,
And how could I judge you for your errors, when you do not judge me for mine?
You will always have my love.”
Have you ever really looked at a particularly deep patch of shade nestled into a nook – perhaps beneath a tree or a back porch, maybe in a secreted corner of your yard – on an otherwise brilliant day? Have you ever taken the time to consider the unique beauty of such a bit of shadow, or perhaps even found yourself relating to it in some trivial way?
Yesterday was the first truly beautiful day we’ve seen here since autumn gave birth to winter. The sun was warm and bright and rather lovely, and the sky was an endless canvas of perfect blue. Because of this, I felt compelled to spend the better part of the day outdoors.
In the earliest part of the day – right after I made my first post and decided not to waste such a glorious day shackled to my computer – it was just me and my littlest little’un outside enjoying the nice weather. We flitted about in the yard not really doing anything but having fun with it nonetheless. At some point, she went off on her own adventure, and I plucked a few weeds from my pathetic excuse for a herb garden. As I was doing this, my attention was drawn to a deep sliver of shade tucked into the corner where my back deck meets my house, and my mind drifted momentarily. I knelt there with a limp brown weed in one hand, and the fingers of my other hand pressed against the stiff dirt. I cocked my head ever so slightly and crinkled my brow – something I should really stop doing if I don’t want to look like Yoda by the time I’m 45, but seem to do every time I leap into some new sea of thought – and gazed intently at that tiny scrap of the world that had been completely ignored by the light. At the time, I wasn’t even sure why I was so fascinated by it; I only knew that it struck me as rather stunning and somewhat sad all at the same time.
My reverie was interrupted by the call of, “Mommy… mommy come. Mommy… spider… come.” Kara (we’ll call her that – I just realized I never gave my girls fancy pseudonyms) is currently obsessed with spiders. Personally, I love the eight-legged little freaks, but only from a distance; like in pictures; and I’m really not fond of being close to them, and I pretty much loathe being touched by them. I held a tarantula once for about thirty seconds just to prove to myself that I could, and my skin still crawls with the memory of it. Anyways, Kara found a spider – one of the huge fat ones we sometimes find around here that look like genetic mutations. Her excitement was infectious and I lost my train of thought, stood up and went off to follow her to her treasure and didn’t think about the patch of shade again until I was lying in bed last night.
Just as my head hit the pillow, the memory of that strange fascination I’d felt for the patch of shade came back to me. At first, I couldn’t figure out what my obsession might be about, but after awhile, I finally came to understand it; I identified with it in some abstract way. It was like a nature’s reflection of my own personality; a shard of darkness swaddled in light. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the analogy, and the more I liked it, the more I thought about it. Clearly, I’m still thinking about it now.
While I don’t spend much of my time moping about in depression, there will always be a piece of me that the light doesn’t touch. It’s that place I write from when I look at humanity with pessimism and disgust; the echo of a life that used to be that will never entirely be silenced. Despite what this inner blackness was born from, I actually like this little shard of gloom; I know how strange that must sound, but I do. It reminds me of where I came from and helps me to appreciate (even more) where I now am. Also, it is the source of many of the more (I think) interesting parts of my personality. It’s the part of me that takes perverse amusement in scaring people; if you’re a jumpy sort of person, you do not want to watch horror movies with me, or go camping with me – I do so love my ghost stories; and the part of me that stands as the eternal sentinel to the more vulnerable part(s) of my personality. It’s where my ‘bullshit’ radar is located – that inner survivalist that knows when you’re being less than straight with me when I look you in the eyes – and where all my monsters are born. While I don’t spend a lot of time focusing on my inner shadow, I’m usually aware of it, and while I prefer to live in the light, I would suffer (greatly I believe) if I ever lost that last splinter of gloom.
If you’ve ever watched Dexter, you’ve heard him muse about his ‘dark passenger’. I like that a lot. Not that I have a serial killer living in my internal shade – don’t worry, I’m a little saner than Dexter – I just like the way he describes his darkness. Personally, I believe a lot of us have that little bit of black at the center of our brightly brushed personal painting; that tiny void that gives us a certain balance. I also believe that if we were all brilliance and rainbows all the time, the world would likely be a pretty boring place.
Anyways, that’s my random thought for the morning (every now and then I think of the ‘Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy’ skits from Saturday Night Live when I muse – weird), I’ll be back along shortly with a little something else, but I really need to catch up on some blogs just now. Happy 1st of April folks!
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and the artists and letter).
Hello old friend, it’s been awhile… which is exactly why I’ve decided to write a letter to you rather than someone else for the purposes of this challenge. Yes, I know it probably seems a little strange, but let’s face it sister; we’re strange. I know you’ve had a long day, so I’ll keep it simple – a meagre ten songs. While they may not be your favourite songs on all days, I know they’re on your mind today. I know this, because I know you better than you know yourself. Without further ado, let’s get down to business.
1) Hero – as preformed by Foo Fighters
2) Society – as preformed by Eddie Vedder
3) No Fun – as preformed by the Sex Pistols
4) Raise Your Glass – as preformed by Pink
5) Forever Young – as preformed by The Forest Rangers, featuring Audra Mae
6) How Will I Laugh Tomorrow – as preformed by Suicidal Tendencies
7) Moment of Weakness – Bif Naked
8) Beautiful – as preformed by Eminem
9) Breakdown – as preformed by Jack Johnson
10) Give a Little Love – as preformed by Ziggy Marley
It now seems like a good time to explain the dedications…. while we’re at it, let’s break some more… screw just leaving a list, let’s give the damn songs!
Hero – as preformed by Foo Fighters
I know that you always think of Zed a little when you hear this, but today you’re feeling extra proud of that man of yours, so I thought this would be a great #1.
Society – as preformed by Eddie Vedder
I dedicate this song to you because I know it speaks to that antisocialist within… sometimes the world gets on your nerves and you daydream about complete and utter freedom from society and all the materialism that pegs us in place like the links of a chain.
No Fun – as preformed by the Sex Pistols
This is the song that almost always pops into your head when you’ve had a somewhat crappy day… I suppose it’s because you can relate to the words. Sorry… the video quality blows.
Raise Your Glass – as preformed by Pink
I just know how much you get this song; it’s become one of your internal theme songs of late.
Forever Young – as preformed by The Forest Rangers, featuring Audra Mae
Again, not the best video, but it was all I could find on short notice, and I KNOW this songs been on your mind all day long… It’s one of those songs that you always relate to both youthful stupidity and hopefulness…
How Will I Laugh Tomorrow – as preformed by Suicidal Tendencies
I wanted to dedicate this song to you today because it reminds you so much of your teen years, and all day long you’ve been thinking about those damn kids and reliving different moments of your own idiocy at their age. I thought you’d appreciate this one.
Moment of Weakness – Bif Naked
Honestly, I’m just dedicating this one because I wanted to hear it… but, if you really need a good reason, how’s this… It always reminds you of the last moron you let break your heart; reminds you and makes you laugh a little.
Beautiful – as preformed by Eminem
I know you like this song… it’s a little sad, but it’s also got a great message… plus, what kind of list could be complete without a little Eminem?
Breakdown – as preformed by Jack Johnson
Here’s one for you that’s bound to put a smile on your face; doesn’t it always? There’s no better reason to dedicate it than that.
Give a little love – as preformed by Ziggy Marley
Sorry Robin, unfortunately I made you the playlist before checking the availability of the videos on youtube… ah well, you know how I am… stubborn to a fault! No way I’m deviating from the list, especially when this song always makes you feel lighter, better, and gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling. There’s just no better way to wrap up the list.
I would have liked to send you a much bigger list, but it’s been a pretty long day for me too. Still, I know you’ll enjoy this list! Make sure and get a good night’s sleep.
P.S.: Kudos to you for sticking to your goals.